WOUNDED HIPPO
The Dramatic Heavyweight
Every step is agony. Every belly flop is catastrophic.
Stats
Snoring style
Groaning, wheezy, wounded, and unreasonably dramatic. His snore sounds less like sleep and more like a tragic farewell performed repeatedly every eight seconds.
Fighting style
Wounded Hippo turns theatrical suffering into crushing mass. His jabs are exhausted pillow pokes. His swats look like personal sacrifice. His forward movement is a tragic stagger that becomes an unstoppable collision only because there is so much of him arriving at once. He is never attacking. He is collapsing in an offensive direction.
SIGNATURE MOVE: SYMPATHY SLAM
Wounded Hippo clutches the giant body pillow to his chest and releases one wounded, melodramatic snore. He staggers forward like the round is already lost, gathering sympathy, concern, and dangerous amounts of momentum. Then he accidentally collapses into a catastrophic belly flop, landing with the full force of a dramatic ending nobody had time to move away from.
Combat profile
Move highlights
"Go on without me... actually, come back."
Choose Wounded Hippo if...
Your snore sounds like a grand tragedy and you believe emotional burden should count as physical damage.